Thank you for working at Loews...get the hell out :)

So, I believe that any day now I'll be fired from Loews Cineplex Entertainment in Levittown, New York.

Why? Because I was a resounding $52.75 short in box on Saturday night. How? I have no idea. I wasn't making many mistakes throughout the night, and at most I thought I would be four or five dollars short. That's still a lot, but considering that my total sales were $5266, it really isn't. Even my $52.75 is only 1% of my sales, but I think the rule is 10% or $20, whichever comes first. The only other place I could even conceive it being in is Janine's drawer and there was some sort of error made when she was sorting through my Will Rogers can.

Now, I know what many of you are thinking: "It was just one mishap; it probably won't happen again, so they'll let him stay and just give him a write-up or something."

Under normal circumstances this would be true. However, this time is different.

Unfortunately enough for me, I already have two previous infractions with the law. Well, not the law, but with box. In early february, I gave refunds to customers who had tickets from a different day. I, a newly trained box employee, did not know that it was customary Loews policy to turn down such a request for a refund. I gave them back the money for their 4 tickets which totaled close to $30, and this, then short that amount, resulting in a write-up. I would certainly take the blame for this, except for the fact that I was unaware of any such policy under which I committed such an egregious error.

My second run-in with box funds came on Sunday, May 7. I remember the day quite vividly. I was on 3-10 and started out on floor with Bill Nessenbaum. This was a separate horror that is an entire entity aside from the write-up that was to follow. After my break at 6, during which I got Wendy's and released myself from the black-and-white checkered uniform to look like a regular person (I'm actually wearing the same shirt right now that I wore that day), I was put into coffee. Actually, scratch that. It was coffee/door. In addition to my extreme distaste for coffee/door, the overwhelming majority of patrons on this particular day perceived our short and thin coffee stirring devices to be straws, complaining that they were too short and-yes-too thin. Go figure. After the umpteenth such complaint, I proceeded to use my cunning brainpower to construct a trio of signs out of paper towels warning the following: "THESE ARE NOT STRAWS." Glen wasn't a fan, and told me to take them down. Respectfully, I followed such a request. This was also right around the time when I decided that Glen probably doesn't like me very much, an issue I'm still trying to solve the logic behind. I've been getting regular hours though, so I can't complain, and there hasn't been any hostility outwardly expressed, so, again, I can't complain.

However, later at about 9:00, one Jacqueline A. Greene's shift was over in the box office. I was plucked from my coffee/door shackles and placed in her stead. This was about the beginning of the end for the peak of "The Amityville Horror"'s popularity, so there was still somewhat of a strong following for it. Jackie Greene was closed out before I started to count in my bank, namely because I didn't have the key to the drawer. As I began the meticulous task of adding multiple forms of American currency up to $350, a line formed. I, the only person in the box office, was without the proper bank to begin my shift. Aghast at the row of individuals waiting for their tickets, I panicked, and cashed in as $350 without properly counting the rest of my bank. My bank, however, proved not to be $350, as I ended the night $28 short. Heather Clarke took my place after I left at 10, but I'm positively certain she was not the one who made the error. It surely was me and my freeze-frame mode of cashing-in.

The next time I worked, May 10 I believe, Jillian came up to me as I was about to punch out. Smiling, she handed me a piece of paper, stating, "This is for you." I took hold of my destiny, and read it to myself. I was ashamed! Embarrassed! Mortified. Along with that, I was told by the courrier that, "if you get another one, it's bad," in a sincere and thoughtful tone. Fine enough, I thought. Two errors in approximately 8 months, that would mean I was 4 months away from another one.

But no. Here it is. July 16, the official date of my downfall. Such a coincidence that it was also my 10-month anniversary at Loews. How fucking lovely.

And now, here it is, 2:43 in the morning, two days after the happening of what could possibly drive me into an extended period of depression and general listlessness. Should I even plead my case? Should I mention the two other times? What about mentioning how I have very little money and will basically not be able to meet my basic wants and needs should my flow of income, however small at some points, be cut off? Should I slip in the conversation that I'll be going off to college in the fall and need all of the money I can get while I'm here. Maybe I should make note of the fact that without any steady income, I will be confined to my bedroom for the entirety of the summer, and who knows what a depressed person sitting alone in a room for a month-and-a-half could do?

I really don't know what I'm going to do. Every minute the possibility becomes even more and more real that I'll be fired. Me. Fired. Me, Alex, he who tries his hardest at everything and could quite possibly be the worst employee ever to exist. I really don't get it. How can some people still be working there after a certain amount of time, while I'm getting FIRED? I've never been asked to leave anything before. Ever. I have failed and I can't believe myself. I'm pathetic! I'm not even good enough to scoop popcorn into a bag or make a cup of coffee or tear a piece of perforated paper in half or hell even sweep up garbage. Fuck.

I know why this happened. It's because I had to go around telling everyone that when I went up to school I would be making more money and blah blah blah. Yeah. Well. I guess that's not happening now, is it?

I also need to start thinking of where else can I work for the next month-and-a-half. No place is going to hire someone that temporary. And when I put down Loews as my past employer, this is what the conversation will sound like:

Prospective Employer: So tell me about Alex Gould.
Loews: Oh, wow. He sucks at life. And he can't count. Don't hire him.
Prospective Employer: But-
Loews: No, no buts. He's definitely on the list as one of our worst employees ever. If you want a really bad employee, then yes, hire him. But if it's quality and proper service you want, then Lord no.
Prospective Employer: Oh, okay. Thanks for the heads up.
Loews: No problem.

So yeah, I guess it really is true. My life sucks right now. I fucking hate this.

I need help.

AG.